Scripts, part 2: How to Respond to Common Mealtime Meltdowns
Elisabeth Kraus, MA
Once you understand – and begin practicing! – the parenting script, you may find yourself stumped on how to implement it in response to common mealtime meltdowns! Below, we’ve outlined a few of the most common scenarios that arise – and provided an example of you might respond to it! To begin, let’s repeat the scenario we mentioned in part 1 of this series:
When your child does not like what you offered for a meal or snack:
“(1) I can see that you feel mad! (2) You wanted to eat goldfish for lunch, but I didn’t offer that today. It’s really hard when you don’t get the food that you want! I know how that feels. (3) I did bring you a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for lunch. (4) Would you like to sit on my lap, and we can eat lunch together?”
“(1) I can see that you’re really upset. (2) You wanted macaroni and cheese for dinner, but I made spaghetti. I know how frustrating it is to not get what you want. (3) But it’s not ok to throw your food, so we’re going to wait to go back to the table until our bodies feel more settled. (4) Do you want to sit next to me while we calm down?”
When your child wants to eat, but it’s not time for meal/snack yet:
“(1) Oh! I can see that you’re feeling really angry! (2) You want to go and eat a snack – and waiting is really hard! (3) But it’s not quite time for lunch yet, so (4) let’s go read a book together until it is.”
When your child doesn’t want to stop playing to come to the table:
“(1) Buddy, I know that you don’t want to stop playing with your trains. (2) Trains are your favorite! And you love doing your favorite things! I feel that way too! (3) But it’s time to take a break so we can fill our tummies. (4) Do you want to leave your trains here, or do you want to set them on the counter where we can see them while we eat?”
When your child is so hungry that they are angry (hangry!):
“(1) Oh buddy! You are feeling really overwhelmed right now! (2) I get that – your body doesn’t feel very good! I hate it when my body feels that way! (3) And when it does, I know that my body is trying to tell me that it needs to eat, so (4) let’s go get a snack that we can eat together.”
When your child just doesn’t want to be around food:
“(1) Oh sweet girl! I hear you! I’m listening. (2) You don’t want to be around food right now. (3) Instead of sitting in your highchair, why don’t you come sit on my lap? And we can have our snack together.”
While these are not the only mealtime moments that will arrive in weaning (and in parenting!), they are certainly the most common! And in all of them, the parenting script stays the same: it acknowledges the emotion, empathizes with it, holds a loving boundary, and offers companionship. By doing this, parents practice self-regulation, and help their child to settle into mealtimes with ease and support.