Elisabeth Kraus, MA
Families make their lives work in a variety of wonderful ways! Some have a parent who works at home to take care of the kids, while the other works outside of the home; some have two working parents with childcare (in-home, out-of-the home, or a mixture of the two); some have just one parent who holds it all together. And all of these families worry that the dynamics that come with securing and maintaining childcare could hinder their child’s ability to wean successfully – but that has not been our experience!
It is absolutely possible for children to participate in childcare and to wean successfully if parents commit to a few guiding principles.
Wean to the life that you have.
Don’t make the mistake of changing the life you have to try and wean, which means avoiding the temptation to take time off of work just to focus on weaning -- talk about piling the pressure on everyone! If going to daycare or being cared for by a grandparent or nanny is part of the life your child has, then weaning should happen within that life, not apart from it. This way, your child learns how to eat in the context of their usual, predictable routine, rather than learning how to eat and then having to adjust to an entirely different routine with entirely different caregivers.
Keep the lines of communication open.
Weaning requires consistency, not in who or where meals are offered, but in how meals are offered – and this means that the most important thing you can do is ensure that all of your child’s caregivers have read your wean plan, asked questions, and agreed to follow the recommendations that your team gave. This way, whenever your child is offered the chance to eat, they are offered weanable foods in a joyful, respectful and pressure-free way, and everyone involved in your child’s care is being watchful over their outputs more than just their oral volume.
Hold caregivers accountable (even when it’s hard).
Once everyone is on the same page, it’s important to keep the channels of communication open to ensure that everyone is following the wean plan: offering the appropriate foods, listening to your child’s cues, and avoiding pressure tactics to try and make them eat more. For some parents, it’s easier to hold expectations for daycare workers and nannies, but much harder to hold them for family members (especially the ones who have already raised children of their own).
However, when conflicting perspectives arise, it’s important to remind yourself that you are a good, competent parent – and that regardless of anyone else’s opinion, this is your child. You get to decide what and how to feed your child, and you get to hold loving boundaries for everyone who chooses to pitch in! So, don’t hesitate to do just that – in fact? Please do that! Remembering that loving family members will respect your role as the parent, and will demonstrate consistent willingness to honor your wishes.
When parents commit to these principles, they will find that weaning with childcare isn’t just possible – it’s wonderful! Because it involves all of the people who are committed to caring for your child in the best ways possible! And children wean wonderfully when they wean in environments where they are well-loved and wonderfully-supported!